My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We need to get me chipped asap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
