I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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