it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
