did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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