I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
