sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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