Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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