I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
