just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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