i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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