Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you had me at cake vodka
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
