We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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