dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
