That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
