do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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