First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
