So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
