Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
