he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
