Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
