i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
