Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
