...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
