if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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