please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
