i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
