oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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