Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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