I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
