sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
