Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
