Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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