my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
