I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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