it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i believe in u and ur pee
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
