I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
