It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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