the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
