it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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