I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
