I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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