He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
