He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
