Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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