I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
did i just pee glitter
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