i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
