Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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