just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
