this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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