hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
