You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
