I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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