I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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