Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
